It was
splendid to think of the lads of Canada answering so speedily and
fearlessly and uncalculatingly to the call of their country. Rilla
carried her head high among the girls whose brothers had not so
responded. In her diary she wrote:
"He goes to do what I had done
Had Douglas's daughter been his son,"
and was sure she meant it. If she were a boy of course she would go,
too! She hadn't the least doubt of that.
She wondered if it was very dreadful of her to feel glad that Walter
hadn't got strong as soon as they had wished after the fever.
"I couldn't bear to have Walter go," she wrote. "I love Jem ever so much
but Walter means more to me than anyone in the world and I would die if
he had to go. He seems so changed these days. He hardly ever talks to
me. I suppose he wants to go, too, and feels badly because he can't. He
doesn't go about with Jem and Jerry at all. I shall never forget Susan's
face when Jem came home in his khaki. It worked and twisted as if she
were going to cry, but all she said was, 'You look almost like a man in
that, Jem.' Jem laughed. He never minds because Susan thinks him just a
child still. Everybody seems busy but me. I wish there was something I
could do but there doesn't seem to be anything. Mother and Nan and Di
are busy all the time and I just wander about like a lonely ghost. What
hurts me terribly, though, is that mother's smiles, and Nan's, just seem
put on from the outside.
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