'
"What agonies of mind I endured,--what burning tears I
nightly shed upon a pillow I was destined to press in
freezing loneliness,--what hours of solitude I passed,
far from the haunts of my fellow-men, and forming plans
of vengeance,--it would take much longer time to relate
than I have actually bestowed on my unhappy history. To
comprehend their extent and force, you must understand
the heart of fire in which the deep sense of injury had
taken root; but the night wears away, and briefly told
must be the remainder of my tale. The rebellion of
forty-five saw me in arms in the Scottish ranks; and, in
one instance, opposed to the regiment from which I had
been so ignominiously expelled. Never did revenge glow
like a living fire in the heart of man as it did in mine;
for the effect of my long brooding in solitude had been
to inspire me with a detestation, not merely for those
who had been most rancorous in their enmity, but for
every thing that wore the uniform, from the commanding
officer down to the meanest private. Every blow that I
dealt, every life that I sacrificed, was an insult washed
away from my attainted honour; but him whom I most sought
in the melee I never could reach.
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