His manner implied concern; and he
asked, with a look that had much deliberate expression
in it, 'if I was aware that it was a duty in which blood
was expected to be shed? He could not suppose that any
consideration would induce me to resign my duty to another
officer, when apprised of this fact.' All this was said
with the air of one really interested in my honour; but
in my increasing impatience, I told him I wanted none of
his cant; I simply asked him a favour, which he would
grant or decline as he thought proper. This was a harshness
of language I had never indulged in; but my mind was sore
under the existing causes of my annoyance, and I could
not bear to have my motives reflected on at a moment when
my heart was torn with all the agonies attendant on the
position in which I found myself placed. His cheek paled
and flushed more than once, before he replied, 'that in
spite of my unkindness his friendship might induce him
to do much for me, even as he had hitherto done, but that
on the present occasion it rested not with him. In order
to justify himself he would no longer disguise the fact
from me, that the colonel had declared, in the presence
of the whole regiment, I should take my duty regularly
in future, and not be suffered to make a convenience of
the service any longer.
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