In days gone by he had often heard the subdued voices of his parents
through the thin partition, in intimate conversation on matters on
which they always agreed; but now no voice was audible, nothing but
the dead sounds which a man makes in waiting upon himself, sounds
which one must put side by side, like the figures in a rebus, before
one can understand their meaning.
He finished his cigarette, blew out the lamp and said the Lord's Prayer
in an undertone, but he got no farther than the fifth petition. Then he
fell asleep.
He awoke from a dream in the middle of the night. He had dreamt that
he held the gardener's daughter in his arms. He could not remember the
circumstances, for he was quite dazed, and fell asleep again directly.
On the following morning he was depressed and had a headache. He
brooded over the future which loomed before him threateningly and
filled him with dread. He realised with a pang how quickly the summer
was passing, for the end of the summer meant the degradation of
school-life. Every thought of his own would be stifled by the thoughts
of others; there was no advantage in being able to think independently;
it required a fixed number of years before one could reach one's goal.
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