"My prospects in China are all at an end. The Firm to which I was
brutally consigned, as if I was a bale of merchandise, has worn out my
patience by a series of petty insults; and I have felt compelled, from
motives of self-respect, to withdraw my services, which were undervalued
from the first. My returning to England under these circumstances is out
of the question. I have been too cruelly used in my own country to
wish to go back to it, even if I could. I propose embarking on board a
private trading-vessel in these seas in a mercantile capacity, to make
my way, if I can, for myself. How it will end, or what will happen to me
next, is more than I can say. It matters little what becomes of me. I
am a wanderer and an exile, entirely through the fault of others. The
unfeeling desire at home to get rid of me has accomplished its object. I
am got rid of for good.
"There is only one more sacrifice left for me to make--the sacrifice of
my heart's dearest feelings. With no prospects before me, with no chance
of coming home, what hope can I feel of performing my engagement to
yourself? None! A more selfish man than I am might hold you to that
engagement; a less considerate man than I am might keep you waiting for
years--and to no purpose after all.
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