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Bennett, Arnold, 1867-1931

"The Grim Smile of the Five Towns"


'Well?' he cheerfully encouraged Sir Jee.
'How would you like to commit a burglary that was not a crime?'
said Sir Jee, his shifty eyes wandering around the room. 'A
perfectly lawful burglary?'
'What ARE you getting at?' William Smith was genuinely astonished.
'At my residence, Sneyd Castle,' Sir Jee proceeded, 'there's a
large portrait of myself in the dining-room that I want to have
stolen. You understand?'
'Stolen?'
'Yes. I want to get rid of it. And I want--er--people to think
that it has been stolen.'
'Well, why don't you stop up one night and steal it yourself, and
then burn it?' William Smith suggested.
'That would be deceitful,' said Sir Jee, gravely. 'I could not
tell my friends that the portrait had been stolen if it had not
been stolen. The burglary must be entirely genuine.'
'What's the figure?' said Smith curtly.
'Figure?'
'What are you going to give me for the job?'
'GIVE you for doing the job?' Sir Jee repeated, his secret and
ineradicable meanness aroused. 'GIVE you? Why, I'm giving you the
opportunity to honestly steal a picture that's worth over a
thousand pounds--I dare say it would be worth two thousand pounds
in America--and you want to be paid into the bargain! Do you know,
my man, that people come all the way from Manchester, and even
London, to see that portrait?' He told Smith about the painting.


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