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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"


WAITER (insinuating himself between Crampton and Valentine). Then,
if I may respectfully put in a word in, sir, so much the worse for
wisdom! (To Valentine, benignly.) Cheer up, sir, cheer up: every man
is frightened of marriage when it comes to the point; but it often turns
out very comfortable, very enjoyable and happy indeed, sir---from time
to time. I never was master in my own house, sir: my wife was like your
young lady: she was of a commanding and masterful disposition, which my
son has inherited. But if I had my life to live twice over, I'd do it
again, I'd do it again, I assure you. You never can tell, sir: you
never can tell.
PHILIP. Allow me to remark that if Gloria has made up her mind---
DOLLY. The matter's settled and Valentine's done for. And we're
missing all the dances.
VALENTINE (to Gloria, gallantly making the best of it). May I have a
dance---
BOHUN (interposing in his grandest diapason). Excuse me: I claim
that privilege as counsel's fee. May I have the honor---thank you.
(He dances away with Gloria and disappears among the lanterns, leaving
Valentine gasping.)
VALENTINE (recovering his breath). Dolly: may I--- (offering himself
as her partner)?
DOLLY. Nonsense! (Eluding him and running round the table to the
fireplace.) Finch---my Finch! (She pounces on McComas and makes him
dance.


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