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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"


Bohun comes in, taking off his false nose and throwing it on the table
in passing as he comes between Gloria and Valentine.)
VALENTINE. The point is, Mr. Bohun---
McCOMAS (interrupting from the hearthrug). Excuse me, sir: the point
must be put to him by a solicitor. The question is one of an engagement
between these two young people. The lady has some property, and
(looking at Crampton) will probably have a good deal more.
CRAMPTON. Possibly. I hope so.
VALENTINE. And the gentleman hasn't a rap.
BOHUN (nailing Valentine to the point instantly). Then insist on a
settlement. That shocks your delicacy: most sensible precautions do.
But you ask my advice; and I give it to you. Have a settlement.
GLORIA (proudly). He shall have a settlement.
VALENTINE. My good sir, I don't want advice for myself. Give h e r
some advice.
BOHUN. She won't take it. When you're married, she won't take yours
either--- (turning suddenly on Gloria) oh, no, you won't: you think you
will; but you won't. He'll set to work and earn his living--- (turning
suddenly to Valentine) oh, yes, you will: you think you won't; but you
will. She'll make you.
CRAMPTON (only half persuaded). Then, Mr. Bohun, you don't think
this match an unwise one?
BOHUN. Yes, I do: all matches are unwise. It's unwise to be born;
it's unwise to be married; it's unwise to live; and it's unwise to die.


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