WHAT'S HOT
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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

What harm will it do, just for once, McComas?
Don't let us be spoil-sports.
McCOMAS. Crampton: you are not the man I took you for. (Pointedly.)
Bullies are always cowards. (He goes disgustedly towards the window.)
CRAMPTON (following him). Well, never mind. We must indulge them a
little. Can you get us something to wear, waiter?
WAITER. Certainly, sir. (He precedes them to the window, and stands
aside there to let them pass out before him.) This way, sir. Dominos
and noses, sir?
McCOMAS (angrily, on his way out). I shall wear my own nose.
WAITER (suavely). Oh, dear, yes, sir: the false one will fit over it
quite easily, sir: plenty of room, sir, plenty of room. (He goes out
after McComas.)
CRAMPTON (turning at the window to Phil with an attempt at genial
fatherliness). Come along, my boy, come along. (He goes.)
PHILIP (cheerily, following him). Coming, dad, coming. (On the
window threshold, he stops; looking after Crampton; then turns
fantastically with his bat bent into a halo round his head, and says
with a lowered voice to Mrs. Clandon and Gloria) Did you feel the
pathos of that? (He vanishes.)
MRS. CLANDON (left alone with Gloria). Why did Mr. Valentine go away
so suddenly, I wonder?
GLORIA (petulantly). I don't know. Yes, I d o know. Let us go
and see the dancing.


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