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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

Sit
down.
McCOMAS. I---
BOHUN (waving him down imperiously). No: sit down, sit down.
(McComas sits down sulkily; and Crampton, much relieved, follows his
example.)
DOLLY (to Bohun, meekly). Thank you.
BOHUN. Now, listen to me, all of you. I give no opinion, McComas,
as to how far you may or may not have committed yourself in the
direction indicated by this young lady. (McComas is about to protest.)
No: don't interrupt me: if she doesn't marry you she will marry somebody
else. That is the solution of the difficulty as to her not bearing her
father's name. The other lady intends to get married.
GLORIA (flushing). Mr. Bohun!
BOHUN. Oh, yes, you do: you don't know it; but you do.
GLORIA (rising). Stop. I warn you, Mr. Bohun, not to answer for my
intentions.
BOHUN (rising). It's no use, Miss Clandon: you can't put me down.
I tell you your name will soon be neither Clandon nor Crampton; and I
could tell you what it will be if I chose. (He goes to the other end of
the table, where he unrolls his domino, and puts the false nose on the
table. When he moves they all rise; and Phil goes to the window.
Bohun, with a gesture, summons the waiter to help him in robing.) Mr.
Crampton: your notion of going to law is all nonsense: your children
will be of age before you could get the point decided.


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