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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

No I don't. (Resolutely.) I'll
n e v e r give up dressing prettily. Never. As Gloria said to that
man in Madeira, never, never, never while grass grows or water runs.
VALENTINE (rising in the wildest agitation). What! What!
(Beginning to speak very fast.) When did she say that? Who did she say
that to?
BOHUN (throwing himself back with massive, pitying remonstrance).
Mr. Valentine---
VALENTINE (pepperily). Don't you interrupt me, sir: this is
something really serious. I i n s i s t on knowing who Miss Clandon
said that to.
DOLLY. Perhaps Phil remembers. Which was it, Phil? number three or
number five?
VALENTINE. Number five!!!
PHILIP. Courage, Valentine. It wasn't number five: it was only a
tame naval lieutenant that was always on hand---the most patient and
harmless of mortals.
GLORIA (coldly). What are we discussing now, pray?
VALENTINE (very red). Excuse me: I am sorry I interrupted. I shall
intrude no further, Mrs. Clandon. (He bows to Mrs. Clandon and marches
away into the garden, boiling with suppressed rage.)
DOLLY. Hmhm!
PHILIP. Ahah!
GLORIA. Please go on, Mr. Bohun.
DOLLY (striking in as Bohun, frowning formidably, collects himself
for a fresh grapple with the case). You're going to bully us, Mr.
Bohun.
BOHUN. I---
DOLLY (interrupting him).


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