WHAT'S HOT
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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

Oh, yes, he is. I've met him and talked to him. (With
gay malice.) You'll like him, Miss Clandon: he's the very incarnation
of intellect. You can hear his mind working.
GLORIA (ignoring the jibe). Where is he?
VALENTINE. Bought a false nose and gone into the fancy ball.
CRAMPTON (crustily, looking at his watch). It seems that everybody
has gone to this fancy ball instead of keeping to our appointment here.
VALENTINE. Oh, he'll come all right enough: that was half an hour
ago. I didn't like to borrow five shillings from him and go in with
him; so I joined the mob and looked through the railings until Miss
Clandon disappeared into the hotel through the window.
GLORIA. So it has come to this, that you follow me about in public
to stare at me.
VALENTINE. Yes: somebody ought to chain me up.
Gloria turns her back on him and goes to the fireplace. He takes the
snub very philosophically, and goes to the opposite side of the room.
The waiter appears at the window, ushering in Mrs. Clandon and McComas.
MRS. CLANDON (hurrying in). I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.
A grotesquely majestic stranger, in a domino and false nose, with
goggles, appears at the window.
WAITER (to the stranger). Beg pardon, sir; but this is a private
apartment, sir. If you will allow me, sir, I will shew you to the
American bar and supper rooms, sir.


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