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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

Back at nine. Good-bye. (He runs off gaily,
leaving her standing in the middle of the room staring after him.)
END OF ACT III

Act IV

The same room. Nine o'clock. Nobody present. The lamps are
lighted; but the curtains are not drawn. The window stands wide open;
and strings of Chinese lanterns are glowing among the trees outside,
with the starry sky beyond. The band is playing dance-music in the
garden, drowning the sound of the sea.
The waiter enters, shewing in Crampton and McComas. Crampton looks
cowed and anxious. He sits down wearily and timidly on the ottoman.
WAITER. The ladies have gone for a turn through the grounds to see
the fancy dresses, sir. If you will be so good as to take seats,
gentlemen, I shall tell them. (He is about to go into the garden
through the window when McComas stops him.)
McCOMAS. One moment. If another gentleman comes, shew him in
without any delay: we are expecting him.
WAITER. Right, sir. What name, sir?
McCOMAS. Boon. Mr. Boon. He is a stranger to Mrs. Clandon; so he
may give you a card. If so, the name is spelt B.O.H.U.N. You will not
forget.
WAITER (smiling). You may depend on me for that, sir. My own name
is Boon, sir, though I am best known down here as Balmy Walters, sir.
By rights I should spell it with the aitch you, sir; but I think it best
not to take that liberty, sir.


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