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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

(Some quick taunt is on her lips: he interposes swiftly.)
No: I never said that before: that's new.
GLORIA. It will not be new when you say it to the next woman.
VALENTINE. Oh, don't, Gloria, don't. (He kneels at her feet.)
GLORIA. Get up. Get up! How dare you? (Phil and Dolly, racing, as
usual, for first place, burst into the room. They check themselves on
seeing what is passing. Valentine springs up.)
PHILIP (discreetly). I beg your pardon. Come, Dolly. (He turns to
go.)
GLORIA (annoyed). Mother will be back in a moment, Phil.
(Severely.) Please wait here for her. (She turns away to the window,
where she stands looking out with her back to them.)
PHILIP (significantly). Oh, indeed. Hmhm!
DOLLY. Ahah!
PHILIP. You seem in excellent spirits, Valentine.
VALENTINE. I am. (Comes between them.) Now look here. You both
know what's going on, don't you? (Gloria turns quickly, as if
anticipating some fresh outrage.)
DOLLY. Perfectly.
VALENTINE. Well, it's all over. I've been refused---scorned. I'm
only here on sufferance. You understand: it's all over. Your sister is
in no sense entertaining my addresses, or condescending to interest
herself in me in any way. (Gloria, satisfied, turns back contemptuously
to the window.) Is that clear?
DOLLY. Serve you right.


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