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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

On my honor I am in earnest. (She looks
searchingly at him. His sense of humor gets the better of him; and he
adds quaintly) Only, I always have been in earnest; and yet---here I
am, you see!
MRS. CLANDON. This is just what I suspected. (Severely.) Mr.
Valentine: you are one of those men who play with women's affections.
VALENTINE. Well, why not, if the Cause of Humanity is the only thing
worth being serious about? However, I understand. (Rising and taking
his hat with formal politeness.) You wish me to discontinue my visits.
MRS. CLANDON. No: I am sensible enough to be well aware that
Gloria's best chance of escape from you now is to become better
acquainted with you.
VALENTINE (unaffectedly alarmed). Oh, don't say that, Mrs. Clandon.
You don't think that, do you?
MRS. CLANDON. I have great faith, Mr. Valentine, in the sound
training Gloria's mind has had since she was a child.
VALENTINE (amazingly relieved). O-oh! Oh, that's all right. (He
sits down again and throws his hat flippantly aside with the air of a
man who has no longer anything to fear.)
MRS. CLANDON (indignant at his assurance). What do you mean?
VALENTINE (turning confidentially to her). Come: shall I teach you
something, Mrs. Clandon?
MRS. CLANDON (stiffly). I am always willing to learn.
VALENTINE.


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