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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"You Never Can Tell"

{ Oh, tell us.
PHILIP } { What happened to you?
GLORIA. Oh, nothing of any consequence. (She turns away from them
and goes up to the easy chair at the fireplace, where she sits down,
almost with her back to them. As they wait expectantly, she adds, over
her shoulder, with studied indifference.) On board the steamer the
first officer did me the honor to propose to me.
DOLLY. No, it was to me.
MRS. CLANDON. The first officer! Are you serious, Gloria? What did
you say to him? (correcting herself) Excuse me: I have no right to ask
that.
GLORIA. The answer is pretty obvious. A woman who does not know who
her father was cannot accept such an offer.
MRS. CLANDON. Surely you did not want to accept it?
GLORIA (turning a little and raising her voice). No; but suppose I
had wanted to!
PHILIP. Did that difficulty strike you, Dolly?
DOLLY. No, I accepted him.
GLORIA } (all crying { Accepted him!
MRS. CLANDON } out { Dolly!
PHILIP } together) { Oh, I say!
DOLLY (naively). He did look such a fool!
MRS. CLANDON. But why did you do such a thing, Dolly?
DOLLY. For fun, I suppose. He had to measure my finger for a ring.
You'd have done the same thing yourself.
MRS. CLANDON. No, Dolly, I would not. As a matter of fact the first
officer did propose to me; and I told him to keep that sort of thing for
women were young enough to be amused by it.


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